The Ballad of Love
by LAIsobel
Summary: Songfic based upon Roxette's Ballads... You know them? You can imagine what will be going on here... Rating just to be sure - ehm... Oh and SORRY - story NOT finished... But I am planning on finishing it, really!
1. You don't understand me

_**THE BALLAD OF LOVE**_

By Isobel

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_Author's __note to whole story_– my first ever written songfic so please don't be harsh. I found one of my most beloved CD's and decided to base a songfic upon it. It's The Ballad Hits by Roxette. I hope that you'll like it, comments are really appreciated. I'd really like to know that someone stopped by and read through so I would be able to decide either to continue writing or to stop. Please excuse my English, I am just learning – yeah, that's the reason why whole text will probably look like more a book than a fiction, sorry 'bout that. And I somehow did not ask anyone for beta reading, so all mistakes are just mine.

I'm afraid that I'll spoil everything 'cause of bad spelling or grammar… or my too literary English. Like in any other fiction already. And I am so sorry about that. My apologies to all of you...

So this story is from three points of view – Cam, Bones and Booth. I am not really sure about the timeline as I put it so another reason to say sorry to you all. And last thing to say – I had to change some events from the show, you'll see, so don't be mad at me, please, I had no other choice and other thing is I haven't seen all the episodes – but hey – this is fiction so everything is possible, right? ;o)

And I was not really sure about the genre, so please accept my apology in case I picked up the wrong one by your opinion.

The **_bold_ _italic_** parts of this fiction are always the lyrics in this whole fiction - I didn't find out any other suitable way how to display them in different way than the whole story... Sorry if you don't like it. And by the way every chapter's name hides a song behind, so don't hesitate and search for it - trust me, it's better to read a songfic while the song is playing from your speakers... Let's call it experience...

Sooooo - let's go folks ;o) Here it is...

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**CHAPTER 1 -YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME – Camille point of view**_**  
**_

_Author's note_ – I am about to pass my school leaving exams soon so this chapter is the first and only for some time, sorry. I will post the other one ASAP, I promise. This one was saved in my computer for about a month. So I think that it's about time to post it ;o)

_Spoilers_ – Cam is dating Booth (don't make me name all episodes where they are together…) but it is little different than in the show (You'll see), indirect spoiler to episode The Girl with the Curl and by the way – I really don't have anything against Cam, it just happened to wrote about her this way, sorry…

_Disclaimer _– Neither Bones nor Roxetter are mine, sorry folks…

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_**I've been up all night, you've been putting up a fight, seems like nothing I say gets through  
How did this old bed fit a world between me and you?**  
_

I was alone in bed, dressed in beautiful lavender baby doll. The apartment was dark and quiet. Even the beat of kitchen clock could be considered as loud sound. I was sad and lonely. I was waiting for him. By one look on the bedside table I found out that it has been more than seven hours. I was dressed for him like this, in his bed, waiting for him for more than seven hours and what about him?? He was with his partner. Yeah, I wouldn't say a word in case he'd be working with some man, but for god's sake! He was with Bones. Again just the two of them somewhere having dinner. Any other woman in my position would say goodbye but I can't. I am in love with him and I know very well that I am totally screwed. When the door claps, I sit up in the bed. Seeley Booth enters his own bedroom to find me there. But because of his look my smile is fading. This won't be nice conversation.

"Cam what the hell are you doing here?" He doesn't sound very pleased to see me.

"Yeah, hello to you too. I missed you, so I came here, but you weren't in your apartment and considering that you were leaving Jeffersonian with Brennan I supposed that you went to grab some dinner. So I decided to wait for you." I tried to keep my voice low and without any signs of hurt. But I am hurting, this is not fair. Am I really so stupid? Like a teenager.

"It's two o'clock in the morning, how long have you been here?" His voice is firm, but not angry. That is good sign, isn't it?

"About seven hours." I said that with my innocent smile, but this time it is not working on him.

"And you didn't get the idea that maybe you should go home?" He seems annoyed with my presence. Well, maybe I made a mistake but I am just a women and it seems to me that a silly one in love. So just try to be gentle and nice to him.

"I just wanted to see you, Seeley."

"You see me every day in work." All right, he is not pissed at me, but what the hell he feels?

"No, I see you at Jeffersonian just when you have got a case for you and Brennan. That is different, you know?" I am pissed at him. Or am I pissed at myself? My voice betrayed me; he knows exactly where this would lead. Oh stupid girl you are Cam.

"Do not start with that again, Cam." He seems tired. But he is not arguing, another good sign? Bad sign?

"I'm not starting anything. Come here, to me, come to bed. Please. Seeley…"

"Well, you stayed for so long, so make yourself comfortable and go to sleep. I need a shower."

He just said that and disappeared in the bathroom. I cannot believe that! He left me alone in his bed after all those days of solitude! That is so unfair. I am about to cry, this is so bad. It looks like that we know just how to argue, nothing more anymore. Even the bed seems too big for two. Or too small? It seems to me like there lays hundreds of things between two sides of one bed and on everything there is the same name – Temperance. Or am I just paranoid? I don't know. I love him but what does he feel? I cannot hear the shower; he'll be here in a minute. Maybe he won't be mad anymore, maybe he is just tired and everything will be fine.

**___We said "Good night" but the silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife  
We've hit the wall again and there's nothing I can do  
You're the one, yea, I've put all my trust in your hands  
Come on and look in my eyes, here I am, here I am_**

He just went back, in his black trousers he likes so much to sleep in and in his T-shirt. When I say good night there is pain in my voice, and disappointment. I like when he sleeps just in his trousers, so in the morning I am able to snuggle up against his bare chest in case I haven't already done that in the night. Is it a sign? Is it really over between us? Is there any us? I am not sure. Not anymore.

Silence came and it's heavier than it used to be. He fell asleep so quickly. So he was really exhausted. Or just avoiding me? I wanted him just to look in to my eyes with the passion that used to be in them, but now that is too much to ask from him. I trusted him with everything; with my life, my soul, my mind. But he's not with me anymore, is he? I know that with every single argument we put another brick in that wall that is between us but I was always hoping that one day it would all fall down. The whole wall with huge TEMPERANCE written across will fall down. But now I am not so sure anymore. Hell who am I kidding? The wall is bigger and bigger and no matter what, I won't be his Bones. I cannot be her. Shit. What went wrong? I am slowly falling asleep, shaking with sobs that I can't suppress.

**_________You don't understand me, my baby  
You don't seem to know that I need you so much  
You don't understand me, my feelings, the reason I'm breathing, my love_**

In the middle of the few hours sleep I woke up and I was crying. Shit. He doesn't understand me. He is not even trying. Why should he be? All that matters to him is his son and Brennan. I am asking myself now – did he ever show any interest in my opinion about his son? No. But that little boy loves his Dr. Bones. Another thing that went just wrong. And Seeley didn't even try to ask me if I'd like to spend some time with his boy.

Day by day I am more and more sure that it is over, all that was is gone now. I need him 'cause without him I am not complete person but he doesn't seem to understand that. What bad thing I did to deserve this? Sleeping man next to me who is probably dreaming about her and he's not noticing that I love him so much. That I need him so much. That I am waking up every morning and looking forward to see his smile, to hear him laugh, to feel his touch, to experience another kiss from him, to be held in his arms, to smell his scent. Can he understand that even someone like me might have needs and desires? Does he understand me at all? Does he understand who I am and why? Does he even try? No, no he doesn't. All that he tries to find out is how to help her. It will be morning in few hours and I cannot sleep.

**_________________The morning comes and you're reaching out for me just like everything's the same  
And I let myself believe things are gonna change  
When you kiss my mouth and you hold my body close, do you wonder who's inside?_**

I woke up. It was six in the morning. He held me so close to his body, it felt so damn good. Like that the last night was just a bad dream and it is over now. I looked around and the morning seems so nice. Yeah, it would be probably freezing outside, bud I am warm. Just close my eyes and lay my head on his chest. His T-shirt smells like him. Oh god I need him. Does he know how much I missed morning like this one? Just to be with him, in his strong arms, in his big bed, with tangled legs. It feels so good when his breath tickles me on my neck. He is stroking my arm, making slow moves with his fingers. After several minutes he opened his eyes and kissed me. But not on my forehead or my cheeks, he kissed me on lips. In that time I am able to forgot even my name.

I love him and the simple fact is overwhelming. But suddenly a single thought pass my mind. In the time he kissed me was it me who was he kissing? Or was he thinking about her? He is with me in bed but does he know who am I? Does he know me? Does he know who is really in his arms? He suddenly got up and left me there, alone in his bed. All the pain from last night, all my shed tears, everything is coming back to poison my mind. I feel my heart aching. Did he break it? Or it was my fault? Her fault? Who did it? And why? I am about to cry once more. I used to be strong but now I am vulnerable and I don't feel like myself anymore. I got lost.

**___________________Maybe there's no way we could feel each other's pain  
Tell me why, it's getting harder to know where I stand  
I guess loneliness found a new friend, here I am_**

We are both grown adults capable to take care of themselves. And we are not stupid. So why we both started with pretending that everything is all right? It was so long ago when it was the last time that I could describe as perfect. Was I blind so much that I didn't see how much we were torturing each other? Or am I just wrong and we are not? His mind is always with her. And I was OK with that because he was with me. But then he was more and more with her and I found out that loneliness was so comfortable but also so miserable.

I don't know who I am anymore. I got lost. I got lost somewhere between our first time in bed and our last argument about Bones and his time with her. Or maybe in the moment he seemed to follow me home but instead he stayed with her in Institute to help her with report? Yeah, he didn't even try to explain it, he just gave me his smile and that was all I got from him to excuse his behavior. He felt no need to explain something because for him all he had done was natural.

Was I really so blind? No… Yes, he loves her but he is still with me. He can't be with her. Neither of them is able to allow it. There won't be ever a relationship between them, just friendship. Or not? The sad fact is that I love him but I am not able to let him go. Is this love? No, this maybe was love, but now it is just a shadow of something that we used to feel. He is hurting me every time he says her name or mentions her; it hurts me to see her in work, to work with her, to be with her in one room. And what about him? Is he content with this situation? Doubt that. What does he feel when is he looking at me? And does he see me or does he see her? Geez I cannot stand the image that I am just a replacement for something he can't get. Wait Cam, this is so not true. He would never feel this way. He probably doesn't love you anymore, he loves Brennan, that's for sure, but he would never use you this way.

What went wrong? I am so sad, I can just sit in the bed and cry. All went wrong. At first it was just a one-night stand. Then one night turned to some more… And suddenly … shit it was like there was somebody else with us all the time. And her name is Brennan. Yeah, all went wrong; it was never supposed to get here. We screwed up this really badly. Only one thing is the right one now. Break up. Let's make it official – let's say it aloud. It's over. He came back and found me with arms wrapped around my torso. I gestured him to sit down and he did so. I can see concern in his eyes. Still the same Seeley. Not mine anymore.

**_____________________You don't understand me, my baby  
You don't seem to know that I need you so much  
You don't understand me, my feelings, the reason I'm breathing, my love  
You don't understand meYou don't understand me, my baby  
You don't seem to know that I need you so much  
You don't understand me, my feelings, the reason I'm breathing, my love  
You don't seem to get me, my baby  
You don't really see that I live for your touch  
You don't understand me, my dreams or the things I believe in, my love_**

"Cam are you OK?" It looks like he really does care about me. Shit. This is not easy at all.

"No, I'm not. Seeley what the hell we are doing?" I am crying. I am not as strong as I thought I'd be. And he seems lost. All he could manage to say was single 'wish I know'… He looks desperate and confuse somehow.

"You don't know who I am; you are able to think just about Brennan. Don't argue with me 'cause we both know that I am right. And I am sick of it. I am sick of the fact that I have to share with her. I don't think you were using me or anything like that, once you might even loved me. But now you are not looking into my eyes, Seeley, when you touch me it is not the same, we can only argue. I deserve more. And so do you. Even if it means… her."

I am crying and he just holds me in his arms and whispers some sentences of sorrow. I don't know what to think, what to feel, all I know is, that for the first time in very long time period he seems to understand me. But the question is – can we be friends? Or will it be worst between us than till this awkward sad morning? We both said we were sorry and some babbling about who knows what. When he got up and said 'goodbye and have a nice day' I feel like I just died and was about to be born again in pain and maybe in relief. What does he feel? What does he think? Does he finally understand me? Or is he just relieved that he is free now? I am about to cry again.

**_______________________You don't understand me  
You don't understand me  
Understand me_**

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_______________________So you made it through! That's nice. So - just in case you have anything on your mind and you wish to tell me - there is the review button - don't hesitate and use it! ;o) I hope you won't be disappointed with next chapter (already written one). Bye, Isobel_


	2. A thing about you

_**THE BALLAD OF LOVE**_

By Isobel

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**CHAPTER 2 - A THING ABOUT YOU – Booth point of view**_**  
**_

_Author's notes_

OK, I have another chapter for you all. I have successfully passed my school leaving exams and I am really thrilled about it so against my earlier decision I decided to post another chapter - this one. The next one will be posted after finish another story, sorry, but the other one is my priority right now...So enjoy this one as much as possible. You know if I posted the next one chapter I may spoil the other story really badly... I don't wanna do that... I have other three chapters of this fiction in my computer, but the other fiction (Soldier's nightmare) became somehow more important to me, really sorry. But your waiting may worth it ;o)

Mistakes are all mine. Sorry about them. I am really trying not to make any.

And for more info just have a look at the beginning of the first chapter.

_Spoilers_

OK, some mentioning about Rebecca and Tessa, little reference to episode Two bodies in the Lab

_Disclaimer_

I still don't own Bones and not even the Roxette…

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**_I pick up the phone I'm dialin' your number while I pray you're at home  
At home and alone cos I can't function on my own and I'll never stop believen'_**

The sunset in DC is so beautiful. Walking down the streets when everything looks like touched by some angel or saint. People are heading home to see their most beloved and from "busy day" the city is becoming "night living". I don't know how many times we were walking together, chatting about something more or less important, hand in hand or mostly side by side with my hand placed on her back or sometimes I just grabbed her around her shoulders to lead her the way. So many times we were sitting on some bench or at Diner having dinner when the night had fallen. But not today. Today I was alone in my apartment, in one hand beer that used to be cold and in the other my telephone, sitting on the couch with legs on the table. I was about to call her but I just couldn't find courage to that. Which is really silly because I called her so many times before, even if it was three o'clock in the morning or I was drunk or just sad and with great need of some company… her company. What changed? Yeah, I got an idea, but geez it's Bones so that just cannot be true. I really do need to dial her number, I just wanna talk to her, say something and listen to her reply, maybe even ask her out. It was hard at first to admit that I actually really miss her presence but more harder is now to admit that I am nervous.

It's Friday night so she is either in the lab or at home. And alone I hope. No, that is not true. I wished her to be somewhere living a little, having fun, but one small pinch of jealousy is pinching into my stomach with every thought of her being on date. Please, let her be at home watching some movie and answering my call with a smile and that nice tone of voice she has while it's me on the phone. I know that it is really foolish and I should feel ashamed but I don't feel that way. Temperance Brennan was one big enigma to me and she still is. And that makes her sexy as hell in my eyes. She is challenge. She is the question. And also she is the answer. She is somehow everything… Do I just sound like a fool who fell in love with his partner?? Oh Bones… she is so… extraordinary. But now I don't consider her as something bad. Hey, I never did. I mean that now she looks amazing to me, not weird.

It's been three weeks since we had a case and were together having dinner and I had an apple pie. I told her that I broke up with Cam, actually that she broke up with me. And she didn't respond. She just took my fork and took a bite of that pie and offered it to me. I leaned over the table and took it and she smiled and asked me about something that I cannot remember well so I think it was not important. All that with Cam seems so long to me even that we broke up before I don't know six weeks? But we lost each other a lot sooner. And all the time I'm thinking about my beautiful and perfect partner. To me she is perfect in her own way. The night is all over the city and I just cannot believe that I am still alive without her. It's almost impossible for me to be alone. Yes, it happened a lot even in the past but in some of last months or years there was always Bones and her comfortable sofa. Her nice scent and her presence, her arms and her smile. Not now. But I cannot stop believing that she missed me too but is too busy or to afraid to call me. She is missing me a lot I suppose and that scares her as much as it scares me. And even more scares me the fact that actually all my life seems so sad and boring when she is not around.

**_The reapin' is done, you are the one_**

OK, it is faint to pretend, right? I miss my Bones because she's the only one in whose presence I feel all myself. There were girls and women in my life and I really do think that I actually loved them all – in some way that I don't quite understand. Most of all they were blond with long legs and nice smile, somehow they all fit into the world "chick" and as far as I can remember, none of them knew things about me Bones does.

Becca was first really great love of my life and we have Parker, but somehow it didn't work. I was never able to completely trust her. Yeah, she is still woman that can be considered as perfect, but not for me. We tried, it didn't work and that's all. We had our 'moment' and missed it. And she deserved more than me in that time and it's the same now. We are not meant to be together.

For another example Tessa. Well that's a tough one. She was smart and pretty and beautiful but despite that all I couldn't trust her. I felt insecure with her. I can just ask myself if it was because it wasn't working between us or it has something to do with Bones. Yeah, Angela would say "definitely Bones" and maybe even others, but I don't know.

And Camille. Well Cam that was just about bringing back memories I think… And then there is my Bones. She is the one. The only one. I trust her completely with my life and with my heart and my soul and I know that I am acting like an idiot now. I am the man; I should be the one to call her. It's fine she cannot hear me now 'cause she'll kick my ass for saying that stupid phrase about being man…

**_The radio is on but the sound is all gone and I wanna walk out in the sun but lately that's been very hard to do  
I've got a thing about you and I don't really know what to do cos I've got a thing about you, hey you_**

Still holding my phone I get my trace to radio and turned it on. They were broadcasting 'Evening with our goldies'. 'Shit' I though in that exact moment. And I was right 'cause the song coming from speakers was Hot Blooded by Foreigner. One of our songs. First evening when Bones was completely relaxed. Yeah I know, just till the moment her fridge blow up and I got almost killed instead of her. I never told her but I was so glad it was me who was hurt. It's also true that in case she got blown up Kenton wouldn't get a single chance to kill her cause I'd be staying by her side all the time. I was so scared of losing her that day. God I almost lost her. I really did.

I close my eyes and I can so easily remember how I was holding her in my arms and soothing her and whispering some nonsense to her just to ease her pain and fear. I cried that afternoon. And it was not because of my bruises and broken bones. I even almost kissed her. And then in the hospital? She looked so beautiful and she stayed with me. I felt like I won the first prize…

Her proximity made me relax. She thinks I don't know, but I know pretty well that she was holding my hand when I felt asleep and that she stayed by my side until one nurse chased her out of the room. The same nurse told me in the morning that my girlfriend really cares about me but we should obey hospital rules about visiting. I never told her that... But I think she knows hot good it feels to have her by my side. I'd appreciate that right now. Have her here with me...

Suddenly I open my eyes and I cannot see anything more than her face everywhere. And where is not her face there I can see all our memories of my apartment. I'd like to take her here and make some diner and than just sit on the couch, cuddling together, watching some movie. I'd like to hear her voice, her laugh, smell her scent, hear her breathing, feel the heat of her body... oh I am so sick man, she is my partner! But hell, who cares?! I should care about that... Oh...

**_I pick up the phone I 'm dialin' that number and my heart like a stone waits for the tone  
_"_- Oh I can't make it on my own and I'll never stop believen'"  
I know what is right and this is so wrong  
Alone in my bed, better off on my own  
The TV is on but the colours are gone and lately you've been paintin' my world blue_**

OK, Seeley Booth you are an FBI agent so stop being coward and take the phone and dial her number and talk to her. Just do it! I still can't believe that I am so scared about just one phone call. I've got her number on speed dial so I just push the button and here we are. I am so sure about all of that! She was there every single moment I was in need of a friend. After our first case we've become so close to each other. Slowly, step by step. I told her about my time in war, about my family, about my feelings; I was always able to trust her. At first because I had no other choice but it changed and then I started to trust her because I simply wanted to. Still do.

I'm no longer able to live on my own, without her. Maybe I should be ashamed of myself for acting this way, for feeling this towards my partner, maybe I should be even scared to death how it will affect our friendship, but I'm not. And that is so wrong. I am so sure about all of that. It's wrong not be afraid of a relationship with her. It took us long to figure out how to work together, how to be close, how to be friends. I don't wanna ruin that just 'cause I fall for her. She is one of the things that matter world to me. I cannot stand the idea of not being with her all the time. Suddenly a rational voice came up in my mind and told me that in case we won't be able to be together as a couple it will ruin our work, our friends and our friendship and we both will be alone again because there is not a big possibility that there is someone other in the world who'll fit into position we both have in each other's life. No other woman like Bones. No other man like me.

I hung up. I have no right to risk everything despite how much she means to me. After few hours I realized that the TV is still on and I'm not able to figure out when I turned it on anyway. All I can see is black screen. I am so screwed. I miss her so much. Shit. Everywhere I look I see her. Such fool in love. Silly Seeley in love with Bones. Great. Angela would love to hear my thoughts right now. And she'd kick my ass for not telling Bren. But they're friends and as I know Ange she'd understand my reasons although she'd probably tell me to stop hiding behind the line me and Bones have and do something for both our sakes. Geez…

Is it possible to see everything in blue? Every single memory, everything I have in my mind, all of the world I'm livin'n is the same blue colour as her eyes. OK. That's it. I really have to do something. Tell her? Get drunk? Get lost? I don't know, but I cannot last this forever.

**_I've got a thing about you and I don't really care what you do  
I've got a thing about you, yea you  
I've got a thing about youI've got a thing about you  
Lately you've been paintin' my world blue  
I've got a thing about you  
I've got a thing about you and I don't really know what to do  
I've got a thing about you_**

Bones… please tell me something, call me, appear by my door, anything. Or better not cause in the case I won't be able not to touch you, kiss you, try to seduce you and make love to you. I've got a thing about you, not one but probably every single thing. I even call you 'My bones'. OK, I have to look forward, I have to be careful. We have so much together and none of us want to lose it. Let's start pretending. I don't care what you do. Do whatever you want. We have to figure out way out from this. We did so many times before so we can do it right now. Oh maybe I should say I can do it cause you don't know about any of this. Or do you?

**_Hopin' this story cuts through  
Yea, I've got a thing about you_**

You know me Bones. You know who I am. You know what I used to do. You know things about me that even my family doesn't. You are the only one for me and I believe you know that as well but it scares you so you decided to ignore it. Yeah, I can understand that. Maybe if we won't do anything, all of this will vanish and we will be at diner once again chatting about something unimportant. What should I do? I don't know. I need your help. Can you help me? Should I ask you for your help? Or should I just pretend that it is not happening and let you live your life the way you want whatever that means to you? Bones, I miss you and I hope you miss me to. There have to be two for this and I am not sure I am alone or not. I have to tell myself again and again that I don't care about you so much so we will be able to have at least our friendship. Precious friendship. Oh I think I'm going mad... How long can man lie to himself about one perfect woman? How can I fool myself about my feelings towards my wonderful partner?

**_I've got a thing about you  
A thing about you  
I've got a thing about you  
I've got a thing about you and I don't really know what to do  
I've got a thing about you_**

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_OK, so you know what to do right now with the review button, don't you? ;o) So don't hesitate and do it :o) Bye, Isobel_


	3. Salvation

_**THE BALLAD OF LOVE**_

By Isobel

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**CHAPTER 3 - SALVATION – Bones point of view**_**  
**_

_Author's notes_

I wasn't quite sure how to build up this chapter and most of all where to put lyrics in… So I started without them and in the right time ( I suppose that I chose the real right time) I put them into the fiction… Sorry if that left you little bit of confused… And sorry about the delay. And huge sorry about my grammar, sometimes I am lost :o(

And by the way – this chapter has some elements in common with my story 'Soldier's nightmare' but I assure you that these two stories have nothing to do with each other. While I was writing this chapter the original plot of Soldier's nightmare popped out in my mind so there can be similarities between this certain chapter and Soldier's nightmare but Soldier's nightmare and Ballad of love are two completely different stories!

So to take it short - yeah, you can find some aspects of this chapter as a part of another story but they have NOTHING to do with each other, they are completely different!

_Spoilers_

OK, I am not sure about every single episode because this chapter was really hard piece of work and because I haven't even seen them all. I've seen just seasons one and two and not all the episodes! Sad but truth :o( And yeah, this chapter contains some spoilers.

_Disclaimer_

Still the same drill, Bones are not mine and I am not one of the Roxette…

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"Seeley?" I asked him by his given name. I've already figured out what that has been doing to him, how he has been responding to me calling him Seeley. He never told me not to so I took that as my privilege. Not even Cam was allowed to call him Seeley. Another won round for me.

"Hm?" He said in response, gently caressing my back, my shoulder and my arm. I felt his hot breath on my skin. It felt so damn great.

"Do you regret it?" I can hear concern in my own voice. How it got there? It betrayed me. It showed how vulnerable I felt. But I am not afraid, I trust him, he won't freak out. He's not like me… And he won't use it against me. He's not like others, is he?

"No, Bones. And I never would." There is some sort of certain and faith in his voice, something that makes me believe him. He's smiling and my fears suddenly go away.

"Me either." I told him and gave him one of my best smiles that I had just for him. I have never smiled at another guy like I am smiling at Booth. How that has happened? I am really not sure. But I have something more to tell him. I need to.

"It has never happened to me before." I told him just as simply as I could. I can be open to him. I want to. I need to.

"You mean that you have never had a case that was so scary to both you and your partner that you just needed to get drunk with your partner after closing it? And then fell asleep in Jeffersonian, actually in his arms and settled really comfortable on his chest, woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly took a vacation for another day? That's by the way something you have never done before. And then somehow managed to get home - with your partner - and after he cried himself to sleep in your arms and then after waking up alone he found you in bath and you asked him to have that bath with you? Or you mean just the part that you have never been with man in bathtub for two hours without happening anything further than just being there in his arms?"

"Booth!" I slapped him on his chest playfully. His voice was cheerful and I was smiling too. I never understood how he always knows what to say and what to do in the right time to make me feel better.

He's right. This case was awful for both of us and we really felt asleep and woke up in the middle of the night in the Jeffersonian and I asked him to come home with me and then we were talking and he fell asleep while he was crying in my arms. Then I took a bath and he came to the bathroom and I asked him to take a bath with me. He looked deep into my eyes, slightly touched my cheek, captured my face, gave a silent kiss on my forehead and accepted my request without saying a single word. We were lying in each other's arms in my bathtub for almost two hours and nothing else happened, we weren't even talking, we were just there together.

Then we just got dressed and get settled on my couch. I'm wearing FBI T-shirt he once gave me, and my white underwear and pair of really funny socks, yeah, from him again. I'm not even sure if he actually gave them to me or if I stole them from him. But he never complained about me having them so I guess nothing's wrong. He's in his black pants that he has in my apartment as his spare clothes, who knows when he might need them, and has got one of his shirts, unbuttoned. Angela doesn't know about him having spare clothes in my apartment and me having my spare clothes at his place. Or at least I hope so. I don't even wanna know what she'd say to us, about us and what sound she'd make… Whoa…

And Booth now ... he's got his legs on my coffee table, my head is settled again really comfy on his chest, legs across his on my table and he's holding me so close to him. It's so soothing to feel his bare skin and his heat and to be able to hear his heartbeat. He was slowly and gently caressing my arm, sometimes he reached out to touch my back, he randomly kissed me in my hair. I couldn't help it, I really needed to touch him back and his bare chest was such a temptation to me. His nice muscular chest. He was absently playing with my hair. After some time he stopped. Why? In that moment I felt like I just lost something.

"Booth, don't stop." I blurted out.

"What?" He was confused. I didn't mean to confuse him. Oh...

"The way you were playing with my hair… You … don't have to stop. I … actually like it." I told him that with sweetness in my voice. I really didn't want him to stop! That's so… unexpected from me. But he started again soon. It felt so good. After some time we both fell asleep, again on couch.

**_I can barely remember my past  
Everything seems to disappear so fast_**

I woke up after several hours of blessed sleep. And despite the fact that I was afraid of waking up I wasn't scared at all. I thought it would freak me out but that didn't happen. I am perfectly content. Yeah, we were sleeping together, not like sleeping with the sexual allusion, just really sleeping like sleeping, but it has never been after having bath together. But waking up like this … feels nice. Booth is still asleep and I feel secure and loved. I cannot help myself; I started with stroking his chest with my fingers really gently and slowly, enjoying every single moment. I don't wanna wake him up. He looks so peaceful when he's asleep.

It's hard to admit but I feel like I'd like to take care of him for the rest of my life, just to pamper him and once in a while tell him that he is mine and not to dare to ever leave me. I have never felt this way. There was a time in my life when I was scared so I just closed my eyes and my heart and refused to let anybody in. Everything that happened to my family, everything about foster care and everything about my former boyfriends was too much for me to bear. I never thought that one day I wouldn't be thinking about it at all. And it's today. Like there's nothing, just me and him.

I was so sure that I couldn't trust anyone; that no one deserved my faith in him, no one truly deserved me, but it has changed. He has changed that. Everything we've been through… and he never let me down, he never failed me. And I am safe when I am with him. He always looks after me, sometimes he is even overprotective. Everything bad that was and still is in me is somehow disappearing when I am with him. And while I am in his arms there's nothing else but him on my mind. Oh Angela would love to hear me saying that… She'd probably make some fireworks or so if I'd tell her about this evening. And it took me just several seconds and even she was out of my mind.

**_But I recall being jealous and alone, gazing at the dreams going by_**

But it wasn't always this way. If I recall all that I've been put through there are some moments that I don't really like. I never realized how much I cared about Booth and much more how I cared about him being concerned about me until he was with some other woman. And I didn't see it in that time; it's spoiling my mind right now. He was with Rebecca or Tessa or Cam or maybe who knows else in the time when I was alone. But I cannot judge him! I was with David or with Sully and he was alone in the same time. Were we just hurting each other without knowing? I have to ask him…

With any of them I haven't felt the way I feel while I am with him. So scientifically speaking I was trying to find someone suitable for being my lover. But when I look at them all right now, even with them in my life, on date, in my apartment, even in my bedroom, I felt lonely and alone. I was jealous of his girlfriends and in the same time dating other guys! That is so weird. As a girl I was dreaming about some man who'd come to me and take me into his arms and would love me and care about me and pamper me and I'd be the only one in his life. And then after all what has happened I was dating men for so many purposes but I have never been seeking things I was once dreaming about. But if I remember them correctly, I am loved, Booth cares about me a lot, he has no problem with taking me into his arms, he has the ability to make me feel like I am pampered all the time and when he is looking into my eyes I feel like I am the only woman in the world to him.

**_I started my life when you knocked on the door  
Found something inside I didn't date to ignore_**

At first he was so annoying. And I mean it. But we worked things out. When he is about to pick me up I feel like a teenager who's about to go on a date. When he knocks on my door my heart starts pounding in double speed. I was locked up in the tower and he was the one who found the door. And he knocked on them. Hey – is this really me? Since when I am even thinking like this?? He's got real influence on me. I was so afraid I'd lose him in time he'd figure out what's behind that door. But it has never happened. He stayed. And he cared. He didn't disappear. He really stayed. And day by the day he started with opening my eyes to things I was refusing to see. Just because of him I was able to find who I really was and how much I was missing in my life even in case I was so sure that my life was perfect and I liked it the way it was. He showed me that I could love, I could care, I had some social skills, I was not bad cold person, and he showed me that I had something to offer to other people. He figured out who I was and what's behind my walls and he stayed and was here for me anytime I needed him.

To him I wasn't weird and he has never complained about my work. That our little bickering about corpses and stuff we do? Well yeah, let's say that that's the way we are distracting each other from the bad aspects of our jobs. We need to discuss things and we are sometimes arguing, but he has always respected my job and I have been doing the same. And he has always respected me. With every single bad part I have. And he showed me what he has found in me, he told me and I just couldn't ignore that. To him I was always someone special and that felt so nice you know… And even if most of guys would take advantage of me in situation I put us in, he didn't. He was so gentle and he just was with me. And that's enough.

Oh this feels right, like this is the right path for both of us. I got settled more comfortable with him, kissed him on his chest and closed my eyes again. I can feel how his grip on me gets tighter than it was few minutes ago. He needs to feel my body close. Like I do.

**_Now I do believe in flowers on the moon I'll swim beside the golden tide_**

I am being irrational right now. OK, I admit. I can believe in anything. Screw all the logic and all the science, this is so much better. Just close my eyes and everything is possible when he is by my side. I can tell most of certain that despite of my strong believe that love is just chemical reaction in our brains I fell in love with my partner and friend. Maybe I didn't know what did it mean to love but he has showed me. He was showing me that every single day and I just failed to notice it. And who knows, maybe even he wasn't sure about that. I don't know what love is but I do know what does it mean to have faith in someone, to be sure of someone, to care about someone, to think all time about someone, to feel lonely without that person, to feel like everything is possible when the person is around… maybe it is love. Maybe it's miracle. Did I just say that word? Something has to be wrong with me. Or maybe everything is just as right as it should be. People in love are acting like fools, right? And they feel sort of high, right? And everything is better and so on so on so on… I cannot believe that something like these sentences is coming through my mind. Love? Maybe… Or just sleep deprivation and extreme emotional stress.

**_You crashed by the gate, captured my fate, salvation  
My eyes couldn't see, I hardly breathed, I was diving so deep, salvation_**

It was him who just didn't let me run away the moment he got closer. I tried to scare him to make him turn away from me but I have failed. Instead of that he stayed and got even closer than he has ever been before. And I told him things that even Angela didn't know. It was something like choosing the wrong way of life. And then he appeared in my life and captured me. He took me from my office to the field. And by the first time he placed his hand on my back, first time he grabbed me out of lab to get something to eat, first time I was with him in interrogation room, first time he hugged me, first time he saw me cry, first time he saved my life, well I felt like I was captured by him. My fate was captured by everything about him. He started to lead the way of my feet. And I let him to do that. This path was the right one to take.

Before he crashed into my life I was blind to many of important things. Angela was trying so hard to show them to me but I couldn't see. I didn't want to. And suddenly there was Booth and he didn't give me another choice than to try to open my eyes. It was like a challenge from him. And I accepted that. And what I saw was beautiful. I realized that my breathing was something enjoyable. Not just the necessary biological process, also something that human can enjoy and can be glad to be able to breathe deeply. Fresh air in my lungs and new life in my veins. He was my salvation. He saved me from dying in depths of some dark place where I wasn't able to see anything, I wasn't able to breathe. But what is more for me than this is the fact that I had the same effect on him. And that makes me feel much better. I became really important to him. And because of that it is not so unacceptable for me to feel this way – to feel that I need him, that he is important to me. More than anyone has ever been.

**_I'm down in the study holding on to my luck__  
Will you still love me when I call you up?  
I gave you my body, the power over me, come on, bring out the best in me_**

I have never believed in luck. Until he saved my life. Since that I was changing, inside my soul and my mind, more than I would ever admit to him. Or anyone else. So many things were different since Hodgins told me that I had faith in Booth. I started analyzing that and he was right. Although I knew I was feeling something I couldn't accept that and I was sure Booth has always understood it. I needed to take it from scientific opinion, to think about it all. I took it as some project that needed my expertise but I got lost in the beginning. Maybe I am forensic anthropologist and scientist and I am supposed to take things the logic way but somehow I wasn't able to. I can't fall asleep I need to think about it.

He really did change me. But… when he started to feel something, when he started to care about me, he liked me the way I used to be. Will he feel the same and act the same now when I can surely admit that I am not like I used to be? If he is in love with the woman he has met how can he love me? Can he even love me now? Thoughts are passing my mind and I am slowly getting crazy. Maybe I am not exactly the same woman I was but he is with me right now, ok? And he is the man who has the ability to know what I am thinking in every moment just by the look into my eyes. If he loves me he won't stop just because I can admit to him that I want him and need him and that I feel something. He can love me even in case I'd become more like any other woman, can't he?

Booth is the best in my life. I can imagine that I actually belong to him, you know, like this is the forever kind of thing… Yeah, it is unnatural especially for me to say something like "belong to someone" and I can imagine everything that for example Booth or Angela would tell me, how would they torture me with my own words… But you know what? I don't care.

He's got the power over me. He looks at me and my knees turn to jelly. I hold my breath every time he touches me. He says my name and I am no longer able to concentrate on anything. He calls me Bones and I feel like I am shining or something, just that I am more than a woman. I am more than a woman to him. You know that feeling, don't you? He places his hand on my back to lead the way and I have really strong need to lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder. When we come somewhere and he is introducing me I feel like a part of him. He has the ability to bring out the best that is in me. Not my weak sides, not my damaged parts, just the good things I have inside. He can see the best in me and he can show it to me and he really likes to show that to everyone else. Like he's protecting me by acting like that. And anytime he gives me a hug I feel like I can't let go, like I belong right there – to his arms and there's no better place for me in the whole world. This is so weird! But in a good way. You know what I mean, don't you? Everything feels right and in the same time like there's nothing in my head at all. Is this love? Or just sweet madness? He can ask anything from me and there's really strong possibility that I won't deny anything.

**_You crashed by the gate, captured my fate, salvation  
My eyes couldn't see, I hardly breathed, my heart was asleep, salvation  
Some will get broken, others will get lucky like me meeting you, don't pass me by  
Salvation  
Salvation_**

He crashed into my life and twisted it upside down. He captured me and he didn't let go. And I can say he will never let me go out of his life. And I can just wish that he won't get bored by me and he won't disappear by the time I'll start pushing him away. He's my salvation. He's the only one who has to stay with me or I won't survive. And admitting that is one of the hardest things of my life. He's something like permanent challenge to me or something like a jigsaw. He's a puzzle and I'll gladly give all my life to solving him. I was cold princess and because of him I am alive now. My heart is pounding in my chest and life is running through my veins with new power. I'm so glad he's MINE.

I am still scared he'll run away. That he'll use me and throw me away. That I'll make him. I know that some others in my situation can be hurt, but there are some others who can be lucky. Lucky like me meeting him. Salvation. The only word that makes sense to me right now and in the same time the only one that's totally insane. And the only thing in my mind that seems so … indescribable. Just please, Seeley, don't pass me by. Not now. Not in time I can open myself to you, I can trust you, I can start analyzing if it is love what I feel. Things are not simple in my life. Everything has to be complicated. But me and him… OK, Temperance, just relax, give yourself to him, give him everything because you know that it's exactly what you want. Just be yourself. Nothing more and nothing less. Be yourself and with him. Be his.

**_You crashed by the gate, captured my fate, salvation  
My eyes couldn't see, I hardly breathed, I was down on my knees, salvation  
Some will get broken, others will get lucky like me meeting you, don't pass me by, don't pass me by_**

Oh it's incredible how one man can twist woman's mind and heart. And it's almost unbelievable that I'm such a woman. I was so sure my life was a good one but then he has shown up and now here we are… I didn't feel broken or lost. I was content with my life. I'd never say I felt like down on my knees waiting for some miracle or some knight in shining armor to save me… No, my life was a good one. But now it's much better. And not just because of him. It's because of me and how much I am enjoying things I failed to register before. I need to relax. I need to feel my freedom. I need to be Dr. Temperance Brennan. But I also need to be Bones. So much is different. And so many things are getting even better. I closed my eyes again and got settled against him once more. He shudders with me touching him, kissing him on his bare chest. Oh … one can get used to this.

"Are you OK Bones? Somethin' wrong?" Oh he is so sweet. His voice sounds so … I don't know. Just it feels like there are just two of us in the world.

"Yeah, it's just little cold here." I smiled. Suddenly I got the feeling that something was about to happen.

"Oh… well we can fix that." I felt him moving. Booth got up, took me into his arms and took me to the bedroom. He put me down on the mattress. After few swift motions I was lying under my covers with my head settled on my pillow. It took me a while to figure out that he was just sitting by my side and watching me. Without opening my eyes I gave him a smile.

"Seeley, just come here."

"You sure?" He wants me to decide if he has to go out of my bedroom or not. He is so … Seeley, just him. And it's so nice.

"You know I'd like to snuggle up to you under the covers to get warm. And don't you even dare to leave me now. There's a lot of space in my bed. And before you ask me the answer is yes, I want you to sleep here with me. And most of all I want to wake up in your arms. Got it my hunky G-man?"

I was smiling. I was so glad I finally managed to say all of those things. I want him to stay, I want him by my side and I want to wake up in his arms. Yeah, he will probably make some fun of me because of calling him mine and hunky, but who cares… After a while he laid down dressed just in his boxers and waited for me to make myself comfortable. I didn't hesitate. It didn't take me long to find just the right position. As soon as he gently kissed my head and placed hand around my waist I felt myself relax and I was slowly falling asleep. He was absently playing with my hair and it was like a lullaby to me. I knew he wouldn't fall asleep until he'd be sure that I was asleep. But this time I had no problem with falling asleep. I really trust him. I have my faith in him. I believe him. I found my salvation. Or maybe my salvation found me. With him. He is my salvation. He's mine… Oh Booth… just don't disappoint me, don't pass me by. Please. I won't be able to handle it. Sweet dreams and be by my side the time I'll wake up, please.

**_Don't pass me by  
I found salvation  
You bring me salvation  
I found salvation  
You bring me salvation_**

* * *

_Please, don't give up upon me because of my grammar... I know, it's bad, but I am trying, really... I need to try harder, I know... :o( I am really sorry about spoiling the story with bad grammar.  
But you know what to do right now, don't you? :o) Just push the little blue button and let me know what you have on your mind... :o)  
_


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